Wherein a request is made of the Almighty

George Bush, in a Proclamation of a day of solidarity with the people of Cuba (that would be Wednesday, for those of you playing at home), says, with nary a hint of arrogance, that “The United States is rallying the free world to the cause of Cuban liberty.”

But that’s not all he’s rallying. He literally requests, in the name of the American people, (note the use of the “we”) that God perform a regime change in Cuba: “Especially on this Day of Solidarity, we ask the Almighty to comfort and strengthen those who suffer under the Castro dictatorship -- and to hasten the day when Cuba’s suffering comes to an end.”

Caption contest

Not only have I got nuthin’ today, but my computer is acting up. Anyone want to buy me a new one?

Your caption contest, Bush in the Chinese Embassy, doing the hard work of attempting to sign his name in a book of condolence for the victims of the earthquake.

They didn’t stay in the hive when they came to kill 3,000 of our citizens

The Bushies put out a thoroughly pissed-off letter to NBC about The Today Show’s “deceitful editing” of an interview with him that aired this morning, saying that it distorted his response to a question about his speech to the Knesset about how talking with Iranian leaders would be “appeasing” Iran. In fact, Bush was distorting his own words.

It all comes down to what the meaning of “appease” is. Many commentators have pointed out that Neville Chamberlain’s appeasement of Hitler did not consist of merely talking with him but of giving him permission to dismember and swallow Czechoslovakia, and that neither Obama nor anyone else is proposing to give permission for Iran to dismember the Czech Republic (although, honestly, they can have Slovakia for all I care) or any other country. The Bushies’ new definition of appeasement, which I don’t think is to be found in any dictionary, is not listening closely enough. Bush:

People need to read the speech. You didn’t get it exactly right, either. What I said was is that we need to take the words of people seriously. And when, you know, a leader of Iran says that they want to destroy Israel, you’ve got to take those words seriously. And if you don’t take them seriously, then it harkens back to a day when we didn’t take other words seriously. It was fitting that I talked about not taking the words of Adolf Hitler seriously on the floor of the Knesset.

In fact, this was not at all how he deployed the charge of appeasement in his Knesset speech: he did not talk about not taking the words of Hitler seriously and he did in fact condemn the proposal to hold talks with Iran as appeasement.

Elsewhere in the NBC interview, Bush, asked if his speech gave Israel a green light to attack Hezbollah and Hamas, said “You can read into it what you want to read into it,” but added in a mutter that that certainly wasn’t his intention. So it’s not his intention, but we can read that into it?

Of Hamas, he said, “They’ve done a disaster of running Gaza.”

Asked if his actions haven’t created more enemies of the United States than they’ve eliminated, Bush again equated all his military actions with “confronting” the 9/11 hijackers: “That theory says by confronting the people that killed us, therefore there’s going to be more -- therefore we shouldn’t confront them? ... It’s just the beehive theory – we shoulda just let the beehive sit there and hope the bees don’t come out of the hive... And somehow to suggest the bees would stay in the hive is naive – they didn’t stay in the hive when they came to kill 3,000 of our citizens.” Buzz buzz.

The letter to NBC, signed by Ed Gillepsie, is really quite pissy in tone. And I think the central charge that the editing of the interview distorted Bush’s meaning is unfounded, having watched the edited and unedited versions. The letter also asks the network to apologize for ever having described Iraq as being in a civil war, demands that it stop using the word recession, and concludes snottily, “I welcome your response to this letter, and hope it is one that reassures your broadcast network’s viewers that blatantly partisan talk show hosts like Christopher Matthews and Keith Olbermann at MSNBC don’t hold editorial sway over the NBC network news division.”

Number 8 in the series, “Everything You Need to Know About the Economy You Can Tell By the Expression on Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson’s Face.”

Democracy does not threaten Islam

Bush, in his speech Sunday: “Democracy does not threaten Islam or any religion. Democracy is the only system of government that guarantees their protection.”

Also Sunday, Kuwait held its legislative elections, in which pretty much every winner is a hardliner Islamist of either the Sunni or Shiite persuasion (and, in the second Kuwaiti election in which women were permitted to vote, none were elected to office).

Also Sunday, in Afghanistan, which Bush in his speech said is “building a free society,” journalist Sayed Parvez Kambakhsh appealed his death sentence for blasphemy. Although, to be fair, Bush said that religion is protected in democracy, not that blasphemy is protected. So that’s okay, then.

Bush in the Middle East: We’ve made our mark by advancing ideals as old as the pyramids

At Sharm el Sheikh, Bush met with Pakistani Prime Minister Gilani.

WHAT THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS: “And one area where our relations can be productive is we cooperate on economic matters, because the truth of the matter is, in a population that has got hope as a result of being able to find work, is a population that is going to make it harder for extremists and terrorists to find safe haven.”

Later, he addressed the World Economic Forum. He talked about democracy, which he commended to the assembled autocrats. He also told them they should really give bacon a try, they didn’t know what they were missing.

KILLING THE NATIVES AND TAKING THEIR LAND? “America is a much younger nation, but we’ve made our mark by advancing ideals as old as the pyramids.”

SO HE DOESN’T LIKE THE “NO JIHADI LEFT BEHIND” PROGRAM? “The key to realizing this goal is an educated workforce. This starts early on, with primary schools that teach basic skills, such as reading and math, rather than indoctrinating children with ideologies of hatred.”

WHAT GEORGE UNDERSTANDS: “There are skeptics about democracy in this part of the world, I understand that.”

First, do no Sharm

“For example, some say that democracy is a Western value that America seeks to impose on unwilling citizens. This is a condescending form of moral relativism. The truth is that freedom is a universal right -- the Almighty’s gift to every man, woman, and child on the face of Earth.” See? it’s not a Western value, it’s just that we’re the ones who support God’s “truth.”

“There are people who claim that democracy is incompatible with Islam. But the truth is that democracies, by definition, make a place for people of religious belief.” Obama’s scary black preacher, for example, has a place in Republican attack ads. “America is one of the most -- is one of the world’s leading democracies, and we’re also one of the most religious nations in the world. More than three-quarters of our citizens believe in a higher power.” Angelina Jolie?

“In our democracy, we would never punish a person for owning a Koran.” Although if they check it out of the library, their phone will be tapped. “We would never issue a death sentence to someone for converting to Islam. Democracy does not threaten Islam or any religion. Democracy is the only system of government that guarantees their protection.”

SOME WHO? “Some say any state that holds an election is a democracy.”

TOO OFTEN? HOW OFTEN IS THE RIGHT AMOUNT? “Too often in the Middle East, politics has consisted of one leader in power and the opposition in jail.” Psst, you’re in Egypt, you know.

No Sharm, no foul.

SOME SOUND LIKE REAL DICKS: “Today, I have a message for these young people: Some tell -- some will tell you change is impossible, but history has a way of surprising us”. History will say that you were the worst president ever, George – surprised?

SPOILER ALERT: “The vision I have outlined today is shared by many in this region -- but unfortunately, there are some spoilers who stand in the way.”

It breaks my heart to see the vast potential of the Palestinian people really wasted

In Sharm el Sheikh, Bush met with Palestinian coup leader Mahmoud Abbas, but when they went before the press, he led off by talking about Lebanon. He trotted out a line he’s used at least three times in the last week: “It is clear that Hezbollah, which has been funded by Iran, can no longer justify its position as a defender against Israel when it turns on its own people.” Er, is Bush saying that he was okay with Hezbollah when it was just trying to kill Israelis? Almost equally absurd is the notion that, for Bush, Hezbollah’s legitimacy is reduced by it “turning” on its own people: Bush’s definition of legitimacy for Arab and Muslim regimes is based almost exclusively on their willingness to kill their own people, whether it’s Abbas fighting Hamas, Maliki fighting Sunni insurgents, Musharraf fighting Islamist militants, Saudi Arabia fighting women drivers, etc.


Bush reaffirmed his support for “get[ting] a state defined.” It’s all about the potential: “it breaks my heart to see the vast potential of the Palestinian people really wasted.”


It’s also all about the dreaming: “I commit to you once again that our government will help achieve a dream, a dream that you have -- and the truth of the matter is, a dream that the Israelis have, which is two states living side by side in peace.”


Abbas spoke next, and proved that he had an even more unlikely dream than that: “We are very delighted that the president is following all the details of everything and every discussion that is taking place in the Palestinian negotiations, as well as issues in the region.” Yes, George Bush is following all the detail. All the details of everything and every discussion. And issues in the region. He’s following them all. Really he is.

He didn’t punch any tables or shout at anybody

Name of the Day: a participant in a roundtable of Israeli youth with George Bush: Assaf Irony.

The Border Patrol says that during hurricane evacuations, it plans to check the immigration status of evacuees. I’m sure that policy couldn’t possibly have tragic consequences.

In Egypt, two days after Bush accused “some” of falling for the “false comfort of appeasement,” a reporter asked him if he does not “aim to do nothing but appeasing Israel.” He sidestepped that question (and didn’t acknowledge that his own incendiary word was being thrown back at him).

Asked about his conversations with the Saudis about oil, he shrugged off the fact that they told him to go fuck himself. That’s not important, he said, because the answer isn’t really in Saudi Arabia after all: “Our problem in America gets solved when we aggressively go for domestic exploration. Our problem in America gets solved if we expand our refining capacity, promote nuclear energy” etc etc. He thinks diminishing oil reserves is something that can be “solved.”

Yesterday the Saudi foreign minister said, “He didn’t punch any tables or shout at anybody. I think he was satisfied.”

I know earthquakes are bad and everything...

...but this picture (from China) is still kind of cool.

January 2013 is gonna be fucking awesome!

Today John McCain gave a speech (as prepared for delivery) in which he sketched his fantasy of what America, and indeed the world, would look like at the end of his first term of office. And it is glorious. For example, “Schools have greatly improved their emphasis on physical education and nutritional content of meals offered in school cafeterias.” He does not say if Taco Tuesdays will still be in effect.

(I was going to go with sloppy joes, but then decided that Taco Tuesdays was funnier, probably because of the alliteration. When you have a blog, these are the kinds of decisions you have to make every single day.)


Of course, “The Iraq War has been won” and “By January 2013, America has welcomed home most of the servicemen and women who have sacrificed terribly so that America might be secure in her freedom.” “Iraq is a functioning democracy, although still suffering from the lingering effects of decades of tyranny and centuries of sectarian tension. Violence still occurs, but it is spasmodic...” so that’s okay then “...and much reduced. Civil war has been prevented; militias disbanded; the Iraqi Security Force is professional and competent; al Qaeda in Iraq has been defeated... The United States maintains a military presence there, but a much smaller one, and it does not play a direct combat role.” Is there such a thing as indirect combat?

Interestingly, while he foresees the defeat of Al Qaida, he only predicts that the “threat from a resurgent Taliban in Afghanistan has been greatly reduced but not eliminated.” Osama bin Laden will of course have been captured or killed.


Who else will be captured or killed dead? His rosy scenario includes the death of some Supreme Court justices: “Scores of judges have been confirmed to the federal district and appellate courts, including the U.S. Supreme Court, who understand that they were not sent there to write our laws but to enforce them and make sure they are consistent with the Constitution.”


What else will be captured or killed dead? The United Nations. “After efforts to pressure the Government in Sudan over Darfur failed again in the U.N. Security Council, the United States, acting in concert with a newly formed League of Democracies, applied stiff diplomatic and economic pressure that caused the government of Sudan to agree to a multinational peacekeeping force, with NATO countries providing logistical and air support”.

20 new nuclear power plants will be under construction.

There will be no signing statements and there will be weekly press conferences and a version of Prime Minister’s Questions. Although what questions could possibly be asked of a man who has recreated the world and made it shiny and new and wonderful, I cannot imagine.

Putting the O in Obama

The bonds of the Book, the ties of the soul (updated)

Today Bush wandered around Israel, taking in such sights as the ancient Fortress of Chicken Masala.



Later, he spoke to the Israeli Knesset.

He said that the US-Israeli alliance is “unbreakable... It is grounded in the shared spirit of our people, the bonds of the Book, the ties of the soul.” That book? “Oy!: The Ultimate Book of Jewish Jokes.”

We’re also united in a fight against “terror and extremism,” “terror and evil,” “terrorists and radicals.”

He did that thing where opposition to Zionism is called anti-Semitism: “So we condemn anti-Semitism in all forms -- whether by those who openly question Israel’s right to exist, or by others who quietly excuse them.”

He said that the idea of negotiating with the aforementioned terrorists and radicals is a “foolish delusion,” “the false comfort of appeasement.” Nazis were mentioned, but aren’t they always?


He looked forward to what the Middle East will be like in another 60 years. For a start, he pointed out, Israel will be 120 years old. Hey, I just checked the math, and Chimpy got it right? (By the way, that guy in West Virginia the BBC showed yesterday, with the sign that said Obama looks like a monkey, can I denounce him as a racist and still call Bush Chimpy?)

In 60 years there will also be a democratic, terror-rejecting Palestinian state, and “From Cairo to Riyadh to Baghdad and Beirut, people will live in free and independent societies, where a desire for peace is reinforced by ties of diplomacy and tourism and trade. Iran and Syria will be peaceful nations, with today’s oppression a distant memory and where people are free to speak their minds and develop their God-given talents. Al Qaeda and Hezbollah and Hamas will be defeated, as Muslims across the region recognize the emptiness of the terrorists’ vision and the injustice of their cause.” So check back in 2068 for that.

(Update: a line I should have included: Bush said the establishment of the state of Israel “was the redemption of an ancient promise given to Abraham and Moses and David -- a homeland for the chosen people Eretz Yisrael.” I trust he’ll be explaining to Abbas that the Palestinian people are shit out of luck because they are the unchosen people and God doesn’t love them like he loves the Jews.)

Because what happened here is possible everywhere

Bush, in Israel: “But I suspect if you looked back 60 years ago and tried to guess where Israel would be at that time, it would be hard to be able to project such a prosperous, hopeful land. No question people would have said, well, we’d be surrounded by hostile forces -- but I doubt people would have been able to see the modern Israel, which is one reason I bring so much optimism to the Middle East, because what happened here is possible everywhere.”


This is how good Bush’s grasp of the Middle East is: he does not understand how scary a thought “what happened here is possible everywhere” actually is.

Caption contest:

Playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal

More Bush interviews. Yesterday, with Israeli television.

HE HAS JEWISH FRIENDS? Describing Jenna’s wedding: “It was -- as my Jewish friends tell me, there was ‘Mazel tov.’” What, no knishes?

IN ORDER FOR PEACE TO SECURE: “Now, I’m sure people say, oh, Bush, man, he sounds hopelessly idealistic. But the truth of the matter is, in order for peace to secure, it’s that kind of idealism that has got to prevail.”


SCRAMBLING FOR THEIR SECURITY: “Look, I inherited -- when I came in office, there was an intifada. It’s hard in the middle of the intifada to be talking peace; I mean, you had people scrambling for their security.”

MOVING DOWN THE ROAD PRETTY GOOD: “the peace process between the Palestinians and Israelis, which frankly is moving down the road pretty good.”

Previewing his speech to the Knesset: “And I’m looking forward to telling people that I fully understand the nature of the world”.

He went right from there to an interview with Egyptian tv.

IN OTHER WORDS: Asked about the state of Egyptian democracy: “I would say fits and starts; good news and bad news. In other words, there’s been some moments where it looked like Egypt was going to continue to lead the Middle East on the democracy movement, and there’s been some setbacks.”

But what are a few “setbacks” (massive repression, complete lack of free elections, detention and torture of political prisoners, you know, those “setbacks”) between friends? “I try to balance, on the one hand, my beliefs, and on the other hand, a friendship with the government and friendship with President Mubarak.” It’s nice to see him admit outright that he can only be friends with Mubarak if he compromises on his beliefs.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ISRAEL! “And I will say that there’s been 60 years of struggling on both sides, and it’s time that the struggle has got to end.”


Asked about Jimmy Carter’s recent statement that the victims in Palestine were clearly suffering more than those in Israel (at least that’s what the interviewer says he said; I must have missed that one): “Well, everybody has got their opinions.”

Speaking of everybody having their opinions: “Most people don’t believe in using murder as a political tool. Most people want to live in peace, and so do I.”


IN OTHER WORDS: Asked to respond to the belief of Arabs that he has added to their sufferings: “I would just ask them to wait for history to answer the question. ... In other words, I understand people’s opinions. All I ask is that when history is finally recorded, judge whether or not I’ve been a contributor to peace or not.” Or not.

And today, the already infamous Politico/Yahoo News/Golf News Digest interview.

What’s curious to me is that it was the interviewer who brought up the golf question – “Mr. President, you haven’t been golfing in recent years. Is that related to Iraq?” Was he prepped to ask that question? Anyway, I know you’ve read this in 20 other blogs, but this is The Blog of Record, so here is Bush’s response in full:

Yes, it really is. I don’t want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander-in-chief playing golf. I feel I owe it to the families to be as — to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal. ... I remember when de Mello, who was at the U.N., got killed in Baghdad as a result of these murderers taking this good man’s life. And I was playing golf — I think I was in central Texas — and they pulled me off the golf course and I said, it’s just not worth it anymore to do.

The golf wasn’t worth it anymore to do, not the war, you understand.


Further intense questioning brought out that George really likes the first Austin Powers movie and does a Dr. Evil impression.

THERE’S THAT WORD AGAIN: “I mean, part of the faith walk is to understand your weaknesses and is to constantly try to embetter yourself and get closer to the Lord. And that’s a daily occurrence.” Richard in comments suggested that the last appearance of that word was actually a transcription error and Bush actually said “embitter.” I’m guessing he really said “embutter.”

KIND OF WERE REAL SMOOTH: “I guess some presidencies are kind of were real smooth, there were no real big issues. Well, that’s not the way mine is.”


IN OTHER WORDS: “Look, I tell people — and this is an interesting thing — it’s harder to be the son of a President than to be the President. In other words, when people get after Dad it would cause all kinds of emotions, none of them very good, in my being.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, it took us a while to get to where we are — very dependent on oil, and in a world in which demand is greater than oil.”

I DON’T THINK EVERYBODY WOULD HAVE WENT THAT, I REALLY DON’T: “I could have supported a lousy treaty [the Kyoto accords] and everybody would have went, ‘Oh, man, what a wonderful sounding fellow he is.’ But it just wouldn’t have worked. I don’t think you want your president trying to be the cool guy and not end up with policies that actually make a difference.” It’s hard to be the cool guy when the ozone layer is gone.


Was he misled on Iraq?: “I feel like — I felt like there were weapons of mass destruction. You know, ‘mislead’ is a strong word, it almost connotes some kind of intentional — I don’t think so, I think there was a — not only our intelligence community, but intelligence communities all across the world shared the same assessment. And so I was disappointed to see how flawed our intelligence was.” We were all disappointed to see how flawed your intelligence is.

What, do you think I should have skipped that one just because it was too easy?

IN OTHER WORDS: “Americans at home ought to care for the advance of free societies throughout the Middle East, after all, this is the center of anti-Americanism and hatred. In other words, the people that attacked us on 9/11 came from this part of the world.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “By far the vast majority of people aren’t haters, and by far the vast majority of people don’t hate America. But there are enough to be able to recruit if forms of government repress people. In other words, if there’s hopelessness — there’s nothing more hopeless, by the way, than becoming a suicide bomber. And yet, these ideologues require hopeless situations.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, freedom is transformative.”

His assessment of the Democratic Congress: “I would call them, so far, good at verbiage and not so good at results.” Straight lines, what’s with all the straight lines today?

Asked to respond to Jimmy Carter’s recent comment on Charlie Rose that the next president could change the US’s image by saying in his inaugural speech, “As long as I’m President we will never torture another prisoner, as long as I’m President we will never attack or invade another country unless our own security is directly threatened,” Bush said,

Yes, well, what he ought to be saying is, is that America doesn’t torture. If the implication there is that we do now, then he’s wrong. And you bet we’re going to protect ourselves by the use of military force. What he really is implying is — or some imply — you can be popular; if you want to be popular in the Middle East just go blame Israel for every problem. That will make you popular. Or if you want to be popular in Europe, say you’re going to join the International Criminal Court. Popularity is fleeting, Michael. Principles are forever.

Or is it diamonds that are forever? I always get those things confused.

The reference to Israel, which Carter hadn’t even mentioned, is interesting.

On the Burmese junta’s response to the cyclone: “It’s taken these people too long to move. It’s almost as if they’re in a state of denial.” Denial: it’s not just a levee in New Orleans river in Egypt.


Also, a revealing must-read Hillary Clinton interview on Fafblog.

And all of a sudden people now see the truth

Bush was also interviewed today by Israeli journalists.

He began by talking about Jenna’s wedding: “But it was -- she looked beautiful and stunning, the ranch looked great, the sun set just at the right time.” At sundown, right?

WHAT SOON-TO-BE-INDICTED PRIME MINISTER OLMERT IS: “I found him to be an honest guy. He loves his family, he’s easy to talk to, he’s a strategic thinker.”

WHAT’S LIKE OUR TOP PRIORITY: “And an effective Bush foreign policy is to put the focus of the United States squarely in the middle of the Middle East. That’s like our top priority.”

WHAT’S MAYBE LIKE THE WORD OF THE DAY: “You know, on all these issues, just so you know, there needs -- I’m going to say the word several times -- maybe this is like the word of the day -- clarity.”

WHAT THE WHAT?: “In my time as President, it’s easy to excuse people until there’s just kind of moments where it’s so obvious that the skeptics can’t see reality.”

WHAT PEOPLE ALL OF A SUDDEN NOW SEE: “It’s one of the reasons I supported the elections in Gaza, because there had to be a moment for everybody to be able to express themselves, and the expression, by the way, was we’re sick and tired of corrupt government. ... But instead, what they got was a government of war. It’s not what they campaigned on, but that’s what they got. And all of a sudden people now see the truth.”

WHAT THE TRUTH IS: “And the truth is Hamas is not a passive, political party trying to embetter people’s lives; they are trying to destroy Israel. That’s the truth.”

WHAT THE OTHER TRUTH IS: “Well, the other truth is, is that Iran is involved in funding Hamas and Hezbollah”.

WHAT IT’S ALL OF A SUDDEN: “All of a sudden it’s a shift of strategic thought because of the Iranian influence, so it’s a positive development.”

WHAT HE WILL NOT COME AS: “I will come not as somebody who demands, but somebody who encourages.”

WHAT THE IMAGINARY VOICES ARE SAYING NOW: “People say to me, aren’t you a little slow on the draw? Where have you been, man? Well, they just forget that when I showed up there was an intifada, and there was an Iraq -- then I made the decision on Iraq. We had an event like Lebanon.”

WHAT PALESTINIANS – SOME PALESTINIANS – ARE BEGINNING TO GET A SENSE FOR THERE IS: “I think one of the very hopeful things that’s happened on this issue is that Palestinians -- some Palestinians -- are beginning to get a sense for there is a better future.”

WHAT HE HAS NEVER TOLD OLMERT: “And I have never told Olmert one thing or another about what to do with his security. That’s not what friends do.”

WTF?: “I expect an explanation, but I’m -- he made a decision that he made -- or no decisions have been made except the idea of trying to get some dialogue moving, which is -- and I know him well, and know that he is as concerned about Israeli security as any other person that’s ever been the Prime Minister of Israel. And so I presume the decision is made.”

WHAT HE TRIES: “one of the things I try to do is think strategically”.

WHAT HE’LL BE: “I’ll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office. But one of them has got to be, he clearly saw the threat and he did something about it.”

I’m a peace man

In advance of his trip to the Middle East, Bush was interviewed today by the BBC Arabic service (link to video).

WHAT IT’S HARD FOR GEORGE TO DO: “It’s hard for me to get inside Hezbollah’s head.”

WHAT HEZBOLLAH WOULD BE WITHOUT IRANIAN SUPPORT: “Hezbollah would be nothing without Iranian support.”

WHAT PRIME MINISTER SINIORA IS: “a good guy.”

WHAT JENNA’S HUSBAND IS: “a good guy.”

WHAT THE BBC ARABIC INTERVIEWER IS: “a good man.”

WHAT GAZA IS: “Gaza’s unacceptable.”

WHAT IRAN IS: “a serious threat to peace.”

WHAT HE GOT HAS FOR THE PALESTINIANS: “I got a good message for the people of the Palestinian territories.” And I’m sure they’re looking forward to it.


He was also interviewed by Al Arabiya, whose interviewer asked why he’d done nothing to come to the aid of the Siniora government. Bush responded, “Well, I don’t think it’s an accurate description that the United States hasn’t stayed in contact with him, has listened to him, has listened to his requests,” although the question was about actual help, not, you know, just listening. “I mean, we’re in contact with him a lot.”

WHAT THE LEBANESE ARMED FORCE IS: “The Lebanese armed force is pretty good. They’re not great yet, but they’re pretty good.”

WHAT THE ARAB WORLD NEEDS TO DO: “And I think the Arab world needs to support [Siniora] stronger, and I think the Arab world needs to make it clear to the Iranians and Syrians that allow this good man to govern his country without interference.”

WHAT GEORGE IS: “I’m a peace man.”

WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO KEEP ON THE TABLE: “Obviously, look, I believe that using the military as a last option is important to keep on the table.”

WHAT HE WOULD HOPE: “But I would hope that we -- through better policy that we would create the conditions -- that we would not create the conditions that would enable another war inside Lebanon.”

WHAT WE’RE TRYING/NOT TRYING: “And we’re trying to stand with our friend -- not trying -- we are standing with our friend, Siniora.”

WHAT SHOULDN’T NECESSARILY BE READ: “So it’s a very complicated process, and I don’t think necessarily not having a trilateral meeting [between Bush, Abbas and Olmert] should be read as anything other than that it just didn’t work out.”

WHAT THE PARTS OF THE PLAN ARE: “Well, part of the plan is for people to see a better life. And the other part of the plan is for there to be a clearly defined state so it’s no longer just a two-state solution; it’s ‘here’s what the borders will look like, here’s how we’re going to deal with the refugees, here’s how we’re going to deal with the different, complicated issues,’ so people could actually see and analyze, do I want this, or do I want what’s happening in Gaza, for example? And given that choice, I’m confident, having met a lot of Palestinians and know the Palestinians fairly well, about how people just want peace.” He thinks he knows the Palestinians fairly well. Because he’s met a lot of them.

WHAT THE PALESTINIANS WANT: “Look, the Palestinians are very entrepreneurial people. They know how to make a good living, and that’s all they want.” That, and the Israel-not-killing-them thing.

WHAT’S ALWAYS A PLEASURE: “Well, first of all, His Majesty [Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah], it’s always a pleasure to be in his company.”

WHAT HIS ADVICE TO THE NEXT PRESIDENT WOULD BE: “Take the Middle East seriously because that’s the center of -- that’s the place where people get so despondent and despair that they’re willing to come and take lives of U.S. citizens.”

She’s taken now, boys

Sorry for the lack of posting: I’ve been busy scrapbooking Jenna’s wedding and weeping quiet tears of joy. Remember, we’re not losing a First Twin, we’re gaining a First Chinless Son-in-Law.

People are too hard on Burma’s military dictators. They are the most principled of men, diverting resources to holding elections on the date determined by law (and the best astrologers Burma has), even if the military has to be used to encourage the populace to vote for the junta of their choice rather than, say, helping save cyclone victims, and refugees have to be thrown out of schools so they can be used as polling stations. And as dedicated as they are to faux-democracy, they are no less committed to fulfilling their contractual obligations, exporting rice while tornado victims starve because, dammit, they signed a contract and their word is their bond! Bravo, I say, bravo.

T & A

Silvio Berlusconi has named his cabinet, which is dominated by cronies and hotties and assholes. One of the latter, Roberto Calderoli, who once set off riots by wearing a t-shirt with one of those Danish cartoons of Mohammed, will, naturally, be the Minister of Simplification, which is one of the best job titles ever (he’s supposed to purge the statute books of outdated laws).

After making fun of the alleged ugliness of left-wing women and of the number of women in the Spanish cabinet, Berlusconi has picked four women who are unusually young (average age 34, almost 20 years younger than the average age of male ministers) and attractive, including former topless model slash tv presenter Mara Carfagna, the Equal Opportunities Minster (some opportunities are more equal than others).


We seem to have a theme today. As I was writing that paragraph, an Alert Reader sent in this Headline of the Day, from the BBC:
“Great Tits Cope Well with Warming.” Birds! we’re talking about birds! Er, the kind with feathers. This sort of thing:


Most disturbing sentence in the article: “Great tits have eight or nine babies in a brood, and each of them will eat about 70 caterpillars a day.”

A change of compassion

Here’s what you can see in a print newspaper that you wouldn’t see online: an AP story, “Two Killed at Somali Food Riot,” right above an ad for all-you-can-eat riblets at Applebee’s. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were food riots at Applebee’s and all-you-can-eat riblets in Somalia?

Bush made two not especially blog-worthy public appearances today. The first followed a meeting with the House Republican leaders, “dear friends of mine who are committed to doing what’s right for the country.”


He gave a laundry list of measures on which he will brook no contradiction and accept no compromise: he wants the Democratic (excuse me: Democrat) Congress to pass the Republican housing bill; he wants $108 billion in supplemental spending “without any strings”; he wants FISA, Colombian free trade, oil refineries, permanent tax cuts, he wants, he wants, he wants. He’s so needy. Maybe someone should tell him about the all-you-can-eat riblets. “And it’s an agenda that recognizes that we can find the wisdom of the American people in their souls, in their hearts.” Which are also all-you-eat, in the Congressional cafeteria.


In the afternoon, Bush spoke at something called the Council of the Americas, which is a business group.

YEAH, LIBERTY, THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE BE SPREADING: “I appreciate your strong concern about the need for liberty to be spread”.

DID YOU KNOW I THINK I SPEAK SPANISH? “I am honored to be here with the Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, better known in the neighborhood as Señorita Arroz.”

AND A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR: “Until there’s a change of heart and a change of compassion, and a change of how the Cuban government treats its people, there’s no change at all.” A change of compassion?


“Cuba will not be a land of liberty so long as free expression is punished and free speech can take place only in hushed whispers and silent prayers.” Free speech takes place in silent prayers?

GEORGE HAS A NEW ADVERB: “these unbelievably wealthy and unbelievably violent drug kingpins” “But our military has provided unbelievably good care for a lot of people”

IT’S HARD: “It’s hard to have a hopeful place when the people aren’t comfortable with the nature of government.”


NOT PERHAPS: “The Millennium Challenge Account is one way to promote prosperity, but perhaps the most -- not "perhaps" -- the most effective way is through trade.”

THIS OPPORTUNITIES: “Congress recognized this opportunities, and Congress took a look at whether or not we ought to have free trade agreements in our neighborhood, and they started doing so with Peru.”

Without free-trade agreements, how will the people of Latin America be able to afford Jenna Bush wedding commemorative mouse pads?

A lot of talk about whether or not trade bills will move or not

Today, Bush met with Panamanian President Torrijos (who no doubt shared the news that the president of the Panamanian Congress, who is wanted in the US for the murder of a US Army sergeant in 1992, won’t be seeking re-election for the post).


OR NOT: “The President has heard a lot of talk about whether or not trade bills will move or not.”

I SPEAK SPANISH! “But I appreciate your compassion and corazón grande.”

REALLY, I SO TOTALLY SPEAK SPANISH! “And finally, we talked about drugs -- drugas.”

LOOK AT ME, I’M SPEAKING SPANISH HERE! “And, Mr. President, I’m honored you’re here, and I thank you again for coming. Buen hombre.”

It was necessary to destroy the family in order to save it

From today’s press gaggle:

HELEN THOMAS: Yesterday, according to The New York Times, we dropped a bomb on a home in Sadr City and burned alive a pregnant woman and her children. How long is the siege of Sadr -- how long are we going to keep bombing Iraqis?

DANA PEROXIDE: Well, I’m not aware of that particular report. I have not -- I’ve not seen it.

THOMAS: Well, it was pretty buried in the story.

PERINO: Okay. Well, the operation against the militias in Sadr City will continue until they root them out. And that is expressly in order to protect people like you just mentioned.

So that’s okay, then.

Crime of the day

Man punches camel.

An important border

This morning, George and Laura appeared on Good Morning America, filmed on the White House grounds. George was asked if it “amazes” him. Indeed. George hasn’t quite gotten over the whole concept of seasons: “It does. It’s a beautiful place. In the spring, the flowers are fantastic. In the fall, the -- it’s just such a -- kind of a place that’s so fresh. In the winter, of course, it’s got a lot of snow. (Laughter.) Summer is real hot”. I guess he forgot what fall does.

He also talked about how his “one contribution” to Jenna’s wedding it to build a “giant cross” out of limestone at his ranch.

Today was what Mexicans call “Cinco de Mayo” and Americans call “Monday – hey, is ‘House’ a repeat tonight?’” For George Bush, it’s a day to stand looking nervous about what the Mariachi band might be doing behind his back.


Cinco de Mayo, he said, “commemorates a joyful moment in history of Mexico -- it's when Mexican soldiers defended their independence against what appeared to be an elite and insurmountable army from Europe.” Elite? Insurmountable? Was Mexico invaded by an army of Barack Obamas?

He said that we “share an important border” with Mexico and that “we’re also united by values,” such as “love of family” (only Americans and Mexicans love their families, it’s true, you can look it up).

Meanwhile, Laura hung out with Uno, the beagle who won the Westminster Dog Show. CAPTION CONTEST:

A manipulator and a propagandist

The Pentagon is pissed at Sami al-Hajj, the Al Jazeera cameraman released from Guantanamo after 6½ years, including 500 days on hunger strike, for having the temerity to appear weak and unwell on his arrival in Sudan. Said an anonymous Pentagonite to ABC, “He’s a manipulator and a propagandist.”

A manipulator and a propagandist – and friends
Another Pentagonanian said al-Hajj has no credibility because there is “no information to substantiate his allegations that he was mistreated at Guantanamo”. Unless you count being forcibly feed 1,500 or so times. “It’s the advantage they have in this fight. It’s a war of ideas, and they can claim any wild number of things happened to them and they’ll capitalize on it.” Yes, that is the advantage they have when you lock them away from the sight of the world. They describe his last interrogation as being “very cordial.” So, no hard feelings then?

The first thing we do, let’s kill all the economists

Great minds think alike. George Bush, Friday: “And I’m -- if you believe these economists, if they had three hands they’d say, on the one hand, on the other hand, and then on the third hand.” Hillary Clinton, today, asked to name even one economist who supports the idea of a gas-tax holiday: “Well I’ll tell you what, I’m not going to put my lot in with economists.”

Stoopid economists.

Headline of the day, emailed in by an Alert Reader: “Qatar Rulers Pay £26m for Bacon.” In fact, a painting by Francis Bacon (that the headline doesn’t also mention a £10m Damien Hirst sculpture – the Qataris are way, way over-paying – strongly suggests that the bacon mislead in the headline was intentional.)

Speaking of intentionally misleading, to fill up a slow Sunday, here are some more London Review of Books personals. (More of my LRB faves here.)

The low-resolution personal ad. When viewed from a distance it looks amazing, but up close it’s pretty poor. Man, 35, Gwent. Box no. 07/03

Women to 35 – you’re all invited to the party in my pants. It’s bring a bottle and, please, remember to remove your shoes before you step on the carpet – mum’s just had it cleaned. Stupid man, 33. Box no. 07/05

In France, it’s just a kiss. In England it’s just a muffin. In Belgium it’s just a waffle. In Germany it’s just a shepherd. You know what I’m saying. Man, 41. Box no. 07/06

Part biopic, part utopian vision, all epic of redemption amidst the trials of mankind. This personal ad has everything. Woman, 38. Only one conviction for nuisance calling. Box no. 07/07

England’s best hope for Olympic gold if ever there was an Olympic event for wearing plaid and brogues. Man, 56. Not a snappy dresser but extremely well-endowed. Box no. 07/10

As it happens, 11.34 am two weeks next Friday is the first day of the rest of my life. Nuclear physicist (M, 40) on the brink of time-travelling break-through. Write now to box no 07/11 but be aware that by the time I reply you will be 98 whereas I will have aged just twelve hours. You may have a good-looking grand-daughter by then though. Give her my number and tell her to look me up. Box no. 07/11

I’m still Jenny from the block. Which is odd because yesterday I was Keith from the allotment. Keith from the allotment, 49. You can call me Jenny.

Some men can only be loved by their own mother. Not me, I’ve got Mr Snuggley Panda. Male, 36, and Mr Snuggley Panda, also 36

I hope you’re sitting down while reading because this advert might just excite your socks off! Man, 37.

Don’t look back in anger, try condescension instead. Look sideways with schadenfreude and upward in revulsion. Serial divorcee (F, 53) has you in her sights next with a raft of sarcastic barbs and derisive statements, but a photo sent to box no. 09/02 along with a list of trite achievements that I’ll remain aloof and casually disdainful about should make the whole process slightly less painful by confronting the inevitable head on. Box no. 09/02

Newly divorced man, 46, looking for a woman to 50 who doesn’t conclude sexual intercourse with Queen Elizabeth I’s rebuke to Cardinal Wolsley. Box no. 09/03

Man, 41. Not the sharpest sandwich at the picnic. Box no. 07/01

An inseparable part of the war

The Israeli military absolves itself of blowing up a Palestinian woman and her four children in an air strike on Gaza, saying they were actually killed by explosives carried by a gunman, which detonated when he was hit by the air strike. So that’s okay, then. PM Olmert says it’s the fault of Hamas that civilians have been turned “into an inseparable part of the war.” However, that woman and her children can now be separated from the war – with a shovel and a mop.

Al Jazeera cameraman Sami al-Hajj has been released to his native Sudan after 6½ years in Guantanamo, the last 16 months hunger striking and undergoing forcible feeding by tube. Had he agreed to spy on Al Jazeera, he would have been released years ago. The Pentagon claimed, without giving any evidence, that he was a courier for a charity with links to Al Qaida. Oo, a courier, so very scary. Since the news stories mostly don’t report this, I want to point out the conditions the US imposed on Sudan: al-Hajj is not to be allowed to work as a journalist or to leave Sudan.

Simon Hoggart in the Guardian: “Last weekend I met a librarian, who told me that it was obviously common for the more explicit sort of novel to fall open at the well-thumbed dirty bits. What she hadn’t realised is that where there are braille equivalents, the dots tend to be worn down. I think that’s rather affecting.”

We wanted there to be consumption in our society

On the way to the ranch, Bush stopped in at something called World Wide Technology Inc. in Missouri because “it’s very important for the President to recognize success.” One assumes he meant that ironically.

He spoke about the state of the economy. “There’s a lot of data beginning to move.”

Some of that data, presented in IN OTHER WORDS form: “Today there was another report out that showed that we lost 20,000 jobs last month, even though the unemployment rate dropped to 5 percent. In other words, the unemployment rate went down.”

WHAT WE WANTED TO MAKE SURE: On the rebate: “we wanted to make sure that people were encouraged to be consumers. We wanted there to be consumption in our society”.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, there’s a -- you can effect the tax code that provides incentives for the CEOs to say, I think we need -- we ought to buy some equipment.” And why is it important for CEOs to buy some equipment? “it gives the employees a better chance to keep this company on a cutting edge.” Sounds painful.


IN OTHER WORDS: “And the effects of this aspect of the pro-growth plan are beginning to kick in, as well. In other words, it’s just starting.”

PAYING FOR THE PUMP: “I’m fully aware that people are paying dearly at the pump. ... The more that gasoline goes up, the more you’re paying -- the more you’re paying for the pump, the less money you have in your pocket to spend for your family.”

WHAT WILL BE VERY EXCITING FOR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE: “As you know, ethanol is beginning to take off, and I’m convinced we’re going to be able to make ethanol out of something other than corn here relatively quickly, like wood chips, or grasses grown in the desert, which will be very exciting for the American people.”

WHAT A LOT OF (UNNAMED) PEOPLE SAY: “I do want to talk about trade. It’s an interesting subject here in America. A lot of people who say, trade is bad for our country.”

SCARY THOUGHT OF THE DAY: “All I want is for America to be treated the way we treat other nations.”

IN OTHER WORDS: (On medical care): “The other thing is, is that one of the real cost-drivers -- or two other cost-drivers I want to discuss -- so in other words, consumerism helps deal with cost.”

The problem with The War Against Terror (TWAT): “so America has got to understand that in order to find them we’ve got to get in their heads. If you’re facing a nation, you can find the nation. If you’re facing people that bury [sic] in failed states you’ve got to understand how to find them.”

DIRTY NUMBER? “The way I put it, just so people can understand in plain English: If al Qaeda is making a phone call into the United States of America, we better know why; if you’re interested in protecting an attack, and there’s a dirty number being called, the government of the United States better understand the intentions and why that phone call is being made.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “so in other words, give our professionals tools. We got a lot of really good people working. We meet all the time; governments meeting constantly, ferreting out any information.”


EUPHEMISM ALERT: “So you say, where do you get numbers? We’re getting them off the computers of the people we’re capturing or bringing to justice.”

WHAT THE 9/11 HIJACKERS ARE: “And they’re sophisticated -- you know, 19 kids on three airplanes -- it’s a sophisticated operation -- four airplanes, excuse me. Sophisticated operation. And they’re good communicators.” I’m curious about the choice of the word “kids” for these, um, good communicators.

WHAT IT’S GOING TO TAKE TO SPREAD: “Someday an American President is going to be saying this is not that big an issue anymore. But it’s going to take an ideology to spread.”

One of the people asking questions began by noting that he was Japanese.

BUSH: And American?

Q: Yes.

BUSH: Well, then you’re American first.

“That’s right. Good point,” the questioner responded, thanking Bush for setting him straight about his own identity.

IN OTHER WORDS: “There turns out to be prosperity in developing world, which is good. It’s going to be good for you because you’ll be selling products into countries -- big countries perhaps -- and it’s hard to sell products into countries that aren’t prosperous. In other words, the more prosperous the world is, the more opportunity there is.”

IT’S HARD WORK: “Interestingly enough, it is a lot harder to have been the son of the president than to be the president.” Paging Dr. Freud.

He ended by telling that damned Romanian rainbow story again (he also did the Koizumi in Graceland story):

Now, the interesting thing from my perspective was that I was here, and there was a balcony lit in the town square, and I was told this was where the tyrant Ceausescu and his wife had made their last public appearance. And the story has it that he -- somebody started chanting, “Liar,” and he realized his power was slipping away, and then he tried to get out of there, and anyway, he was done in by the people. They were tired of him; he was a brutal guy.

And so that was my line of sight. And the President introduced me, and just as I got up to speak, a full rainbow appeared. And it was a startling moment. And I turned back -- Laura was like -- I went, look, baby, look up there. And so when I pointed up, 225,000 heads flipped around to look at the rainbow. I then ad-libbed, “God is smiling on Bucharest.” And the reason I did is because the rainbow ended right behind the balcony where the tyrant had given his last speech. Liberty is transformative, and it will yield the peace we want.

“Cocky” to his friends

Name of the day, from the stories about that polygamist cult: Texas Dept of Family and Protective Services Commissioner Carey Cockerell.

Speaking of cockerels, Bill O’Reilly interviewed Hillary on Fox yesterday (I didn’t stick around for the no doubt scintillating analysis of the interview by Dennis Miller) and today. Nothing much to report, although I’m curious: O’Reilly speaks for more of the broadcast portion of the interview than Hillary does. Is that how it happened, or did egoist O’Reilly edit her down before putting the tape on the air? Hillary allowed him to say, without any challenge, that her health plan would bankrupt America because, now, 10 to 20% of Medicare and Medicaid payments are fraudulent.

Responding to news that China has sentenced 30 Tibetans to long prison terms, White House spokesblonde Dana Peroxide said, “We don’t think that anyone should break the law, but we also believe in freedom of expression and assembly.” Well that’s just a tad contradictory, Dana, and not very helpful as a piece of advice. Are you saying Tibetans should passively acquiesce to laws that violate their civil rights... or not?

Gail Collins writes in her NYT column:

We’re down to a race between the candidate who claims he will make the political process better but has yet to demonstrate exactly how that works, and the woman who claims she’s the only one who’s powerful enough to take on the Republican forces of darkness. Don Quixote vs. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Both accompanied by their lieutenants — the men who think it’s all about them.

So Rev. Wright is Sancho Panza and Bill Clinton is... Xander?

Pause to praise an Almighty

Today is the National Day of Prayer. Make the proper national obeisance to the angry deity of your choice. I plan to sacrifice a goat to Odin, or possibly the other way around (nice enough bloke, Odin, but how seriously can you take a god with no depth perception? And those ravens of his shit everywhere).

George Bush celebrated the National Day of Prayer, although lately every day has been the National Day of Prayer with him; he just will not stop blathering about the “Almighty.” I think he’s realized that after Jan. 20 he’ll be persona non grata with Republicans, he’ll certainly never be able to speak on any university campus without massive protests he might actually have to see and hear, and he won’t be able to order up captive audiences of military personnel, so the only public remaining to him, the only people who might give him the fawning adulation he thinks is his due, will be religious groups. (I should say that the National Day of Prayer is organized and run by James Dobson and his wife, pictured below, along with Ollie North.)


Anyway, Bush said that on the National Day of Prayer “we celebrate our freedoms, particularly the freedom to pray in public”. You know, we also have the freedom to fart in public, but we don’t have to do it all the freaking time.

He did make a pretense of believing that “if you choose to worship or not worship, and no matter how you worship, we’re all equally American,” but then went right ahead talking about “American faith” and defining the United States in religious terms: “I think one of the interesting things about a National Day of Prayer is it does help describe our nation’s character to others. We are a prayerful nation. ... And it’s interesting, when you think about our faith you can find it in the Pledge of Allegiance, you can find an expression of American faith in the Declaration of Independence, and you can find it in the coins in our pockets.” Little-known fact: US coinage is so holy, even a nickel can ward off vampires.

But a national day of prayer is not enough for Chimpy McGodbotherer: “And as we pray for God’s continued blessings on our country, I think it makes sense to hope that one day there may be a International Day of Prayer, that one day the national -- (applause.) It will be a chance for people of faith around the world to stop at the same time to pause to praise an Almighty.” Today, America; tomorrow, the world!