Thursday, July 13, 2006

Bush in Germanyland: The president vibrated the hands of humans and spoke with them

Bush is in Germany, which gives me the opportunity to use Google’s fine translation program on a Der Spiegel article.
The result is an odd approximation of what the inside of George Bush’s head must look like: “Afterwards it over-accumulated it up with praise.” “The president vibrated the hands of humans and spoke with them.” “...approximately 1000 citizens, who were invited to the greetings of Bush by Merkel on the old person market.”

Bush said he wanted to see what East Germany was like, so they banned cars in Stralsund, locked people in their homes, and imported 15,000 cops. Actually, the guys who used to guard the Berlin Wall were nothing like as scary looking as this:

The Wall guys were very polite and didn’t laugh at me when I asked them to point out the Reichstag (crappy map in the AAA guide book).

Bush held a press conference with Angela Merkel. He wants Putin “to join us in saying to the Iranians loud and clear: ‘We’re not kidding. It’s a serious issue.’” You know, I think that should be the exact text of the UN Security Council resolution.

He explains the situation in Gaza: “And we were headed toward the road map, things looked positive, and the terrorists stepped up and kidnapped a soldier, fired rockets into Israel.” Things looked... positive? And of course, “Israel has a right to defend herself.”

Says Putin’s crack about Cheney’s shooting a guy in the face “was pretty clever — actually quite humorous.” And, “My own view of dealing with President Putin, though, is that nobody really likes to be lectured a lot”. Which explains your grades at Yale.

But what really interested him was the pig they were roasting in his honor (I think they were planning to eat it too).
Q Does it concern you that the Beirut airport has been bombed? And do you see a risk of triggering a wider war? And on Iran, they’ve, so far, refused to respond. Is it now past the deadline, or do they still have more time to respond?

PRESIDENT BUSH: I thought you were going to ask me about the pig.
If I declare a caption contest, you must all promise not to apply that line inappropriately.

Here, George samples the invisible herring for which the town of Stralsund is justly famous.

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