Tuesday, March 11, 2008

They’ve got the capacity to blow people up through suicide

From Radio Prague: “The National Advertising Council has ruled that an advertisement billboard featuring Czech Foreign Minister Karel Schwarzenberg seemingly dozing at a session of Parliament is unethical and should be removed from all public places. The council concluded that the energy drink ad damaged the minister’s image and was used without his consent. The Foreign Ministry has distanced itself from the controversy surrounding the ad, with a spokesperson saying that the foreign minister was not asleep but ‘immersed deep in thought’.”

Speaking of immersed deep in thought, today George Bush spoke at the National Religious Broadcasters’ convention.

A WRATHFUL AND A VENGEFUL GOD: “I was very young when I first learned about obedience to a higher power -- and my mother sends her best to you.”

FUCKING CALVINISTS! “I know most of you, if not all of you, believe -- that every man, woman and child on the face of the Earth has been given the great gift of liberty by an Almighty God.”

Heaven pointy

He addressed the greatest fear of his audience of religious broadcasters. No, not declining morality, war, poverty, gay marriage, or the release of the rest of the Emperor’s Club’s client list, but rather, fairness: “Some members of Congress want to reinstate a regulation that was repealed 20 years ago. It has the Orwellian name called the Fairness Doctrine.” Because if the word “Orwellian” means anything, it means ensuring a multiplicity of viewpoints on the public airways: “Supporters of this regulation say we need to mandate that any discussion of so-called controversial issues on the public airwaves includes equal time for all sides.”

Controversial issues are not the only things Bush finds to be “so-called.” He also referred to the “so-called Fairness Doctrine” and to “so-called balance” (twice).

He added, “If Congress truly supports the free and open exchange of ideas, then there is a way they can demonstrate that right now. Republicans have drafted legislation that would ban reinstatement of the so-called Fairness Doctrine.” Er, don’t you mean “supports the free and open exchange of idea”?

Heaven pointy

Then he turned for the remaining speech to a subject sure to warm the heart of these broadcasters religious: war.

He said of the 9/11 hijackers, “These murderers were not instruments of a heavenly power; they were instruments of evil.” But at least we can all agree that they were instruments.

IN OTHER WORDS: “And of course, the two most notable theaters in this ideological struggle are Afghanistan and Iraq. Some seem to believe that one of these battles is worth fighting and the other isn’t -- in other words, there is a good war and a bad war.”

“[I]n Afghanistan, you say democracy, they’re not exactly sure what you’re talking about.” Dude, it’s not just in Afghanistan, and it’s not just when you talk about democracy that people aren’t exactly sure what you’re talking about.

IN OTHER WORDS: “Now the Taliban and its allies are seeking to launch new attacks against the people. In other words, these are relentless killers.”

“We saw the nature of the enemy just over a month ago when they sent two mentally retarded, troubled Iraqi women wearing suicide vests into crowded marketplaces.” Er, hasn’t that been debunked?

IN OTHER WORDS: “And as a return on our success -- in other words, as we get more successful, troops are able to come home. They’re not coming home based upon defeat, or based upon opinion polls, or based upon focus groups, or based upon politics.”

WHAT THEY’VE GOT THE CAPACITY TO DO: “They’ve got the capacity to blow people up through suicide”.

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