Monday, September 29, 2008

We got a big problem

Sarah Palin isn’t much of a listener. She watched the debate Friday, but failed to register McCain’s attack on Obama for talking about launching military attacks into Pakistan, rather than simply doing it, since she told a student that we certainly should send troops in after Al Qaida members.  McCain had to repudiate her position publicly, since it conflicted with own, and made a heart-felt plea for the right of candidates to say whatever shit they want and not have it taken, you know, seriously: “In all due respect, people going around and sticking a microphone while conversations are being held, and then all of a sudden that’s a person’s position?”

Early this morning George Bush, the President of Fail, called on Congress to pass the Free Cash and Hookers for Wall Street Act of 2008, saying, “Congress can send a strong signal to markets at home and abroad by passing this bill promptly.”  No, they wouldn’t be sending a signal, they’d be sending seven hundred billion freaking dollars.  There’s an old saying: if you want to send a signal...

$700 billion buys an awful lot of candy-grams, is what I’m saying.

He also said that “over time, much -- if not all -- of the tax dollars we invest will be paid back.” See? It’s not a bailout after all, it’s an investment, although with no possibility of profit, only of loss.

Later, he presented the National Medals of Science and Technology and Innovation, high-fiving Andrew J. Viterbi in recognition of his development of the maximum-likelihood algorithm for convolutional coding, known as the “Viterbi algorithm,” and for his contributions to Code Division Multiple Access (CDMA) wireless technology that transformed the theory and practice of digital communications.

You didn’t believe me about the high-fiving, did you?

He also made some sort of devil-worshipping sign with Carlton Grant Willson, who developed lithographic imaging materials and techniques, which is perhaps an odd thing to have sold your soul to the devil for, but then George did it for some “magic” beans.

Speaking of magic beans, later in the day, after the House failed to pass the Free Cash and All the Blow You Can Snort Act of 2008, Bush spoke again to express his disappointment and to explain the sophisticated economic rationale (he has an MBA, you know) behind the bill: “We put forth a plan that was big because we got a big problem.”

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